


Writing Home to You

by queercapwriting (queergirlwriting)



Series: Where's Your Head At? [27]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, carolmaria, danbeau, danbeau family, i love one (1) family, my ANGELS, no one is crying, this was hard to write because it just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-10 02:49:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queergirlwriting/pseuds/queercapwriting
Summary: Carol, Maria, and Monica keep in touch, no matter how far away Carol travels.





	1. Chapter 1

Fury wasn’t the only one she gave a communicator to.

She gave him a pager, but she gave Maria and Monica so much more.

Because she didn’t only strip Yon-Rogg of his perceptions of what a real fight should be when she sent him back to Hala with his proverbial tail between his legs.

She’d also stripped him of his built-in forearm communicator.

She’d repurposed it and given it to Maria. Well, to Monica, who’d insisted on having it.

To her family.

They quickly learned that intergalactic time zones were hellish.

The occasional holographic skype session kept Carol feeling close to her family: Maria got to tell her about the flights she took and Monica got to tell her about the science fairs she was winning.

Carol didn’t tell them much when it was both wife and daughter chatting with her: Monica didn’t need to hear what a lonely life it was, getting to know people so intimately, so closely, so profoundly, so quickly.

Until it was time to leave them, again, because a whole different group of people on a whole different planet needed saving.

And she didn’t want Monica to know that stopping genocide always meant seeing genocide.

She didn’t want Monica to hear her scream, to watch her break, like she sometimes screamed and broke on holographic skype with Maria.

And when the time zones didn’t sync up, they wrote. Well, recorded voice messages.

The three of them, intergalactic pen pals - what a family - all through the device on Carol’s arm, that Monica loved to wear, that Maria protected like she protected nothing aside from their daughter.

_Carol,_

_I missed you especially hard tonight. I took Tom’s kids and Monica out in Tom’s pickup out to Driskill, and we did what you and I used to. Hell, not at all what we used to - is it weird to write about our sex life in an intergalactic text message? (that’s what these letters are called now, babe - or emails? I guess they could be voicemails. Either way, let’s update your lingo later) - but you know what I mean. I packed a thermos of hot chocolate and brought all our blankets and made them a fort in the back of the truck._

_Monica showed off like you taught her to - don’t make that face (I may not be able to see your face, but I can definitely see your face, Danvers), you know it’s true - telling Tom’s boys all about the stars, the sky. I had to clear my throat a whole lotta times to remind her not to add the bit about her other mother soaring through all of them, saving lives out there, right now._

_You keep safe out there, Carol, you understand me? We’re good down here, living our lives. We’re not sitting on our asses waiting for you to come home, like we talked about: I promise. But we miss you, every day. I miss you most at night, I think. Point is. We’re good down here. But don’t you dare get hurt out there where I can’t protect you. Because you know that if you die out there, I’ll have to kill you._

_Be safe, or our daughter will throw a fit. And so will I._

_I love you, Carol. I… well. You know._

And there were Monica’s voice notes.

_Ma!_

_Hey, remember when I used to call you Auntie Carol? You and Mom were so smart! I mean, you still are. But like, it’s like you two were undercover, and I was an agent with you! The clever ruse of you two being best friends. You know it’s changing now, a little bit. There’s this one boy, a few years younger than me, at that Stark Industries summer internship, and he’s out to everyone as trans and he says he’s dating both of his best friends. So it’s changing, it really is. So._

_Ma! Hehe, I get to call you that now. Except you’re not here._

_Don’t get me wrong: I’m so proud of you, every day. You know that, right? I hope you know that. And if you didn’t, now you should._

_Remember when I told Nick that I’ll get to space one day? I really think I’m gonna, Ma. Build my own ship, I mean. I made this little plane, the one I’ve been working on that I told you about - I’m calling it Photon - and I’m engineering upper atmosphere capabilities into it. Basic physics!_

_Mom says SHIELD is gonna come recruit me any day now._

_Ma, I love you. I know it’s corny to say, but you and Mom are my heroes. Gotta go now. I’ll send another one of these soon. Don’t get hurt, because Mom will definitely kill you if you do. Love you!_

And there were Carol’s notes back, composed while she was sitting with her legs crossed, nothing but the vacuum of space underneath her, watching the birth of stars, looking down at yet another planet, alive because she’d saved it.

_Lieutenant Trouble,_

_Or should I call you Photon now? You know how proud your mom and I are of you, right? Of course SHIELD is gonna come knocking. Do me a favor though, and only go with Fury, Coulson, or Hill. You know how military organizations are. And SHIELD is that. So if they roll out the red carpet for you - and of course they will - make sure it’s with agents you trust. I also heard a rumor that Coulson put together a new team. Melinda May and these scientists and a hacker and a mechanic. They might be good for you to be around._

_Oh my god, am I parenting you from all the way out here? I am, aren’t I. I’m… sorry? Nah, I’m not sorry._

_You should see what I can see right now, kiddo. These colors, they exist on Earth. But not like this. Nothing’s like this. Imagine… imagine the most beautiful, miraculous sunset over the ocean, and then add forty billion times the beauty. And then maybe that’s something like what it is out here._

_You’ll get here. I know you will. Tell me more about Photon, if you want. I’m so proud of you. Your mom is too._

_Please hug her for me. Please know how much I miss you both. It’s amazing out here, but nothing’s like being with you two._

_I’ll stop now so I don’t gross you out with my corniness too much, okay? Can you pass the communicator to your mom now? Please and thank you. I love you, Monica. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything._

_Hey Maria. I’m going to say a bunch of nonsense now to give our daughter time to leave the room with her fingers shoved between her ears. I love you, kiddo!_

_Okay, serious now. Hi._

_I love you. Is it weird to start out by saying that? Whatever. I love you._

_I cut my hair. I think you’d really like it. It’s short, now. Like, real short. I’ll send an image along with this datastream. All I keep thinking about is what it would feel like to have your fingers running through it. God. I miss you more than I can stand._

_There’s this planet. I’m sitting above it right now. I think you’d love it here. I’m so far out that I can barely even see our sun in the sky, but this planet actually isn’t that different than ours. Same stupid wars, same stupid -isms. But Maria, they fly. Not even with wings, but like… they’re nothing I can describe. Not even bipeds, just… it’s amazing out here. Good people, overall. Ronan tried to… well, whatever. He failed._

_I wish you were next to me. I wish a lot of things._

_You’re beautiful, do you know that? I was just describing how impossibly beautiful it is out here to our daughter, but Maria, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen._

_I keep thinking about that night you were talking about, in the pickup. Well, one of those nights. The time it rained, and we kept making love anyway. You were so turned on, but you were giggling like crazy, and it was… you’re so beautiful, Maria._

_I don’t know if I tell you enough, being out here. I could never tell you enough._

_I told Monica to hug you for me. Please make sure she does, and squeeze her right back for me. Please._

_I love you. I’ll come home as soon as I can. One day, maybe, there won’t be so much to do out here. I’m trying. You know I help people with diplomatic missions almost as much as I blow up ships with my body? I’m trying._

_Thank you for existing in the universe. I don’t want to know who I’d be if you didn’t._

_I love you._

Her voice echoed in Maria’s room and in her body. She shivered and tugged one of Carol’s old sweatshirts around her even closer.

She set the message on replay to keep her warm as she fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another chapter by request from wearerobin90 over on tumblr.

Maria Rambeau had never been the ‘waiting at home by the phone’ type of woman.

Sure, there had been that political science major in college that she’d pined after - before she and Carol either realized or admitted how they felt about each other - but even then, she’d never been the type to just… wait around for anyone.

Because when Maria Rambeau wanted something, she figured out how to get it.

Even when it cost her everything.

(She did the same with Carol. It just… took a few years for either of them to realize how desperately they wanted each other to be best friends and then some, rather than only best friends.)

But then Carol “died”, and then Carol came back.

And then, Carol left again.

Because of course she did. Because she had to. Because there was an entire galaxy full of people to help, an entire race of refugees to protect and help resettle.

And this damn galaxy had over 100 billion stars.

One hundred billion.

And one woman - Carol, _her_ Carol, it was always going to be her Carol - was going to take on the evils amidst them all.

Of course she was.

It was what Maria had fallen in love with about her, all those years ago.

Part of her had always known that the nature of their jobs - the nature of wanting to change the world, to maybe even save it - would rip them apart from each other.

It had been worth every moment, anyway.

But she worried about Monica.

She’d chosen a life with Carol - with a woman who was the one who insisted on going if lives were on the line because Monica needed her mother, with a woman who willingly blew herself up to protect people she’d never even known about until a breath before, with a woman who was too stubborn to die so she came home with a new name, a new uniform, and fists that were made of fire - but Monica?

Monica hadn’t chosen who her other mother would be.

So Maria worried. And she knew Carol worried, too.

So whenever Carol called - she’d given Maria and their daughter a much more advanced communicator than she’d given Fury (she didn’t need to chat with Fury about his day, to see his face, to have him see her face, to stare longingly into his eyes; she just needed to know, from him, if the Earth was about to be destroyed and it was too much for SHIELD to handle) - Maria would linger, just for a moment, to watch the delight course through their daughter’s entire body.

She never intruded on their conversations - except when the three of them would snuggle up for old episodes of Fresh Prince together, even with the holographic projection of Carol originating from halfway across the universe - but she did let herself watch their daughter answer the call, watch Carol’s uniformed figure appear, with a new haircut that looked like it was straight out of a comic book superhero’s.

A new haircut that looked like everything Maria wanted to run her hands through while they were making love.

Most of the times, though, the communications weren’t live.

Most of the time, she and Monica had to wait - painstakingly, wait - to download messages from Carol. And they’d retreat to their separate rooms to watch them, to cry, and to record their own messages back.

 _Hey Lieutenant Trouble_ , Carol’s messages to their daughter would usually start, and she’d have that lower swagger, soft and solid confidence, in her voice that had always made Maria melt.

And nothing made Maria Rambeau melt.

She didn’t hear the rest of her messages to Monica, not usually, but she heard Monica laugh and she heard her cry in response, before composing her own message to her mother.

_Hey Lieutenant Trouble,_

_It’s been a minute, huh? Sorry if I worried you and your mom. I’m fine, and so’s Talos and his family. And don’t worry, kiddo: his daughter hasn’t changed her eyes, not for anyone._

_We found a planet for them, one that looks like it could be safe. And I did a lot of scans, and it doesn’t look like they’d be interfering with any evolutionary history on the surface. Your mom said you’re eating up any books on exobiology you can, so I figured you’d wanna know that part._

_But the Kree found us, and anyway. It wasn’t pretty, and I’ll be honest, we could’ve used a stellar pilot like your mom. But we got by okay. Everyone’s okay. And everyone says hi to you, and sends their love. You really know how to make an impression on people, you know that, Lieutenant Trouble?_

_I miss you, Monica. I’ve always wanted to fly, you know? To help people. I know you want to do the same. You’ve got your mom’s blood in you, so of course you do. And I love it up here. I want to bring you one day, and your mom. I love what I’m doing and I love the people I get to meet. I’m sending some pictures for you, attached to this message. Just for you and Mom, okay?_

_So it’s amazing out here, but I miss you. Every second of every day. The more beautiful it is out here, the more I miss you and your mom._

_It’s not your job to take care of her, Monica. It’s your job to be a kid first, okay? But please give her an extra solid hug, every day and every night, alright? I know you’re getting older, and I know it’s gonna stop being cool to tell your mom you love her pretty soon. But please don’t stop telling her, alright?_

_I love you, kiddo. I love you bigger than anything or anyone._

_Tell me about school, and everything and anything you want._

_See you up here soon enough._

_I love you._

Maria didn’t eavesdrop on Monica’s responses, but sometimes Monica would record them with her in the room. It both buoyed her and broke her heart.

_Ma!_

_Remember when I called you Auntie Carol? You and Mom were so funny, thinking you were fooling people with those shenanigans. Well, no. I guess you were smart. Jerks see what they want to see, I guess, right? Jerks isn’t a curse, Mom, I can say that! Gotta earn my name, right Ma?_

_I’m glad you’re keeping Talos and his family safe, and that no one’s changed their eyes for anyone. That’s what Mom always told me about my hair, when I started going to school and people were jerks. Anyway._

_I want to hear everything about the pictures you sent me! You can’t just send me pictures of nebulas and planets and not expect me to want to hear everything about them, Ma, seriously. I know you’re busy saving the galaxy. But some captions? If that’s okay? It’s also nice to think that I’d get to hear your voice extra._

_School’s good. Too easy, but Mom made sure I got put in all the advanced classes. The other kids seem really stressed about their grades, so I try to help them. It just doesn’t stress me out. But I guess it kind of does a little? Because I want to show them what the kid of a single mom can do - I know Mom’s not single, but you know what I mean, Ma - and also because I want to get into astronaut camp!_

_You heard me right! And not just any old astronaut camp: Stark Industries is sponsoring this one. And I don’t want Nick to give me any favors, I want to get in on my own. Mom says I will. It’ll be so cool! Mom told me what zero-g felt like, when you and her and Goose were in that ship together, and I want to feel it for myself! This summer, fingers crossed. Are your fingers crossed? I hope so._

_I miss you, Ma. I miss you all the time. Sometimes I cry about it. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but Mom says I shouldn’t be afraid to be honest with you. But I’m really proud of you. Like, mega proud. Both of my moms are superheroes! Sure, Mom doesn’t have tea-making hands, but still. I’m really proud of you, Ma. Or should I say Captain Marvel?_

_It’s a cool name. Almost as cool as Lieutenant Trouble._

_I love you, Ma. I’m gonna let Mom do some recording now. Please be safe and don’t get hurt, okay? Mom would be impossible to deal with if we lost you again. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Well, I’m not, but you know. Be careful. I love you so, so, so much._

_So much._

When Monica recorded in front of Maria like that, Maria would kiss the top of her daughter’s head and Monica would positively scamper away. Like she knew that Maria needed privacy. That unless they were recording a family message, her moms needed to be alone together, in their messages.

_Carol. Hi._

_Sometimes I want to tell you everything. I want to talk to you all the time. All the little things about my days. The little habits that Monica’s developing. The crushes I suspect she’s developing. The way the leaves are coming back on the trees and the way the breeze smells in the morning, just before sunrise. How I’m maintaining your Mustang for you, but it really doesn’t matter, because whenever I take my Camaro out, I know it’ll still dominate._

_And sometimes… I don’t even know. Sometimes, there’s nothing to say to you. Because sometimes, I just… I know you already know everything. How much I love you. How much it kills me that you’re out there and I’m not with you to watch your six. I’ve been helping Fury out, with SHIELD. A lot. And I know it matters. I know it makes a difference. But sometimes, I don’t even know, Danvers._

_Sometimes, all I want to do is kiss you and strip your clothes off, and god, I hope Monica has her headphones on. I just want to lay down with you and kiss your neck and hold you, or be held by you, and it’s… it’s stupid, isn’t it? Well, I guess not. Not really. I know you want to do those things, too. Your last message… damn woman, I want those things too. You know I do. Just more awkward for me to record them when our daughter’s in the next room._

_I just miss you, Carol. And sometimes I’m so angry at you. For being so damn perfect. For being so damn brave and needing to go out and save the universe._

_But you’d better stay exactly that way. You’d better stay too stubborn to die. Because I swear I’ll come out there and kill you if you’re not._

_I love you, Carol. I remember when we didn’t have to say it, not really. Because I could show you, every day. I can’t exactly show you, now, so I guess I have to resort to being corny as all get out._

_I love you. I’m in love with you. It’s nothing you don’t already know. It’s just something I want you to hear as often as I can tell you, and I need you to keep it even closer than that ridiculous yet oddly sexy uniform you’ve got. Alright?_

_I’m in love with you, Carol Danvers. If you ever start doubting that, you’d better get your ass home and let me show you._

_And I know you’re out there saving entire planets and stopping entire genocides. Because of course you are._

_I’m proud of you every day. Don’t you give up, understand me? And don’t stop being as kind as you are, you hear me? Don’t stop believing you can do it, and that you can come home when you need to._

_I love you. I’ll tell you more about SHIELD next message. Tonight, I just… tonight, I love you feels like the only relevant thing to say._

_Keep yourself safe, you hear me? If I say I love you one more time, I think Monica’s gonna start pretending to vomit in the next room._

_So let’s do it: I love you, Carol._

_God. You’ve made me so cheesy. I blame you entirely._

_Higher further faster, baby. My baby. Stay safe._

She heard Monica giggling maniacally in the next room. “My moms love each other _so_ much!”

Maria wiped her tears and smiled. Because their daughter definitely wasn’t too old for some good old-fashioned tickling and pillow fighting.

They both made sure to hit record before the playful attacks began, so Carol could be part of the family fun, too.


End file.
